Expiration Dates
I've been a wreck. It's been months since Mikey's back pain has started, and we finally found out what was wrong. He has a 7 centimeter mass in his back, where all the tests (except the ultrasound) points to cancer. This is a literal life-or-death situation and everyone is talking about "be positive, stay happy," How can I stay happy when I could lose the love of my life to cancer?
I'm especially frustrated that they didn't figure this out sooner. We could have started treatments and everything else that much quicker and faster. Perhaps all of this could have been fixed already. It took two emergency room visits to diagnose him and that's even worse. But at least now that he has been diagnosed he can be healed - hopefully. I'm trying to stay positive, but they don't even know which type of cancer. We're hoping that it's testicular, due to the 99.1% success rate. However, due to the possibility of it being testicular, there's a good chance of Mikey not being able to have children. That wasn't a real good thing to hear, because Mikey and I have always believed that we were going to have kids. We've always had names picked out and our future set. Now, there are all sorts of uncertains and neither of us like it. At least Mikey is handling it better than I am. I'm worrying and stressing about our potentially nonexistent future, dreading the fact that I won't be able to marry Mikey because he could be gone. He could potentially die from this and it's so tragic I can hardly keep myself together at times. But, as everyone says, I have to stay strong, not for me - but for Mikey. He has it worse than anyone else right now because he realizes that he's not as indestructible that I thought he was.
The worst part of this is the possibility of not having him in my future. He's the love of my life, and with every second, he's slowly slipping away from me. I can barely hold him because he's hurting; I can barely kiss him because of the pain inside my own heart from all of this. I regret that there could not be a cure for him. I cry all the time, dreading the second where he's gone. But I have to be strong. I have to stay positive and love him with every second he's here, because who knows what could happen. I know I want to embrace him for all he's worth in the time we have left together. And if something happens, we'll work on it when the time comes. Time to live like we're dying. And that's just it. We are all dying. And if he dies? I'm next.
I'm especially frustrated that they didn't figure this out sooner. We could have started treatments and everything else that much quicker and faster. Perhaps all of this could have been fixed already. It took two emergency room visits to diagnose him and that's even worse. But at least now that he has been diagnosed he can be healed - hopefully. I'm trying to stay positive, but they don't even know which type of cancer. We're hoping that it's testicular, due to the 99.1% success rate. However, due to the possibility of it being testicular, there's a good chance of Mikey not being able to have children. That wasn't a real good thing to hear, because Mikey and I have always believed that we were going to have kids. We've always had names picked out and our future set. Now, there are all sorts of uncertains and neither of us like it. At least Mikey is handling it better than I am. I'm worrying and stressing about our potentially nonexistent future, dreading the fact that I won't be able to marry Mikey because he could be gone. He could potentially die from this and it's so tragic I can hardly keep myself together at times. But, as everyone says, I have to stay strong, not for me - but for Mikey. He has it worse than anyone else right now because he realizes that he's not as indestructible that I thought he was.
The worst part of this is the possibility of not having him in my future. He's the love of my life, and with every second, he's slowly slipping away from me. I can barely hold him because he's hurting; I can barely kiss him because of the pain inside my own heart from all of this. I regret that there could not be a cure for him. I cry all the time, dreading the second where he's gone. But I have to be strong. I have to stay positive and love him with every second he's here, because who knows what could happen. I know I want to embrace him for all he's worth in the time we have left together. And if something happens, we'll work on it when the time comes. Time to live like we're dying. And that's just it. We are all dying. And if he dies? I'm next.
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